But where did she go?

Http:/studentrntiffany.wordpress.com

Public blog!! Ive moved! Come say "hi"


-- Post From My iPhone

New Blog

So I did it...I moved. (Not everything has been moved over yet, but Im getting there!). This is a public blog. Some posts may be locked to preserve privacy. You can email me if you would like more info!

Come visit me here!!

I will also have a family blog, but I havent had a chance to get it going into full swing yet!

Stop by and say hi!!

Dear Suicide man,

Dear Mr. Suicide,

I know that there must have been a reason for you to do what you did. You must have been suffering in some way that only you can really understand, but as I watch your wife try to console your young children I cant help but be angry at you for being so selfish.

You are released feom your suffering but now your wife will sleep alone in a bed, forever remembering your touch and the pattern of your breathing. She will suffer as a single parent and will always wonder if there was something he could have done. Your children will suffer without a father. No one to play catch, no one to walk them down the aisle. Your suffering is over, but at what cost.

So Mr. Suicide man i hope that you made the right choice. I hope that you really thought this through, because watching all the sobbing and all the grief over your death makes me think you were really very loved.

Rest in peace.


-- Post From My iPhone

Im sorry but youre an idiot

How hard is it to name a child? Seriously? Dont you have the nine months of gestation to work out at least a list of names?

There is no excuse to have a 6+ week old with no first name.

Really.....

The reason for my decision

Ive been asked a couple of times what the reason behind my decision to move location is. And it really is a long story. Basically I had been planning on moving for quite a while. I was trying out the different blogging websites. I tried Typepad.com and really hated it. Then one of my favorite bloggers moved to wordpress.com and I needed an account to view her private blog. So I created one and started playing around with the different blogging functions.

I feel like wordpress gives be a little more control of my blog. While I am still planning on having my public "Nursing school journey" blog, I wanted the ability to lock certain posts. This would give me the freedom to truly post everything I was thinking without worrying about it getting into the wrong hands.

Another big reason that I wanted to move is that Blogger has been painfully inconsistent. I have had many of my "draft" posts dissapear and have actually had all of my old posts dissapear for a period of 24 hours before the IT help desk could retrieve them.

Wordpress is FREE!! They have some options that you can pay to expand your page, but otherwise it is a free blogsite. And....I can still post from my iPhone!

The other less significant but more annoying reason is that I was contacted by an attorney about the use of a pictures of a certain minor child. I was informed that I was a pervert for posting his pictures and called a loser. I was accused of harrassing someone, and thus I have chosen to have the ability to post more freely and to monitor some of my posts.

On top of moving to wordpress, I have also decided to separate my posts about family. Seeing as I wont be a Student Nurse forever, I decided to start a family blog. Many of the posts will be duplicates, however I will avoid posting public pictures of my family, including Our son.

The new blog isnt finished yet....I will continue blogging here until I have all of my old posts published over there. Then I will announce the new blog.

Thank you to everyone for their support on this. I am looking forward to moving!!

Just trying a new function

Lets see....


-- Post From My iPhone

The gym and thenew blog

Yesterday was a perfect day! I got up and met one of my closest friends at the gym. We ran and chatted!! Gotta love going to the gym! I did a fun 3.74 miles!

After the gym and getting cleaned up, I headed off to the massage appointment that my amazing hubby scheduled!!

Massages are like an hour of uninterrupted heaven! Kristen (the therapist) had the hands of an angel! I felt like million bucks!

After my massage I felt so good that I came home and worked on the yard work.

It was glorious!! Although today I zm having some massive low back pain, I suspect that is because of the rocks I was moving yesterday.

Now about the new blog. I have been contemplating a move for a few months. One of the blogs I read made the move over to wordpress.com and I have to say that it is pretty amazing. I am slowly moving everything over there. It should be fun!!

Ok...Happy 4th of July weekend!! Be safe and stay out of the ER because Im working all weekend!


-- Post From My iPhone

Must read

Hello all my readers...Ive made the change to a new webpage that will be password protected.

Please leave a comment if you would like access.

Love,
Me

More baby

Circa 1985


-- Post From My iPhone

Baby picture day....

Ok all my blogger friends, its time to bare all. Im declaring a "baby picture post".

Here goes, this is me at about 6months old. Next to me in the blue is my Mom, and I dont know who the other lady is.

Wasnt I an adorable baby?

Now your turn, post a baby picture and comment here so I can see you all in your baby glory!!

Its the little things that make me smile.

Today is my day off. And after pulling nearly 100 hours in two weeks, I needed a little pampering.

So on my way to visit my best gal pal, I saw a very promosing nail salon. I stopped and enjoyed nearly an hour of foot and calf massage! They even used parafin wax, it felt so good!!

Now I have relaxed muscles, sexy pink toes and a renewed attitude....all for $30!

What a great day off! And tomorrow its back to the grind!


-- Post From My iPhone

Things that I will never understand....

• Parents who use their children as leverage. Wouldnt you want them to have a good relationship with their other parent(s)?
• People who neglect their animals
• People who think that remorse and grief have time limits
• People who think that animals are like accesories, when one "expires" you just "replace" it.

Im taking a sociology class about Family dynamics. And although I am not learning a whole lot from the class, simply the topic of family dynamics has made me think a little bit more about my own "blended" family.

What is your family? Who do you consider to be your family? Dogs? Kids? parents? grandparents? Close friends?

Basically, tell me about your TRIBE.

Dr. Seuss

"When you are in love you cant fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams"- The great Dr. Seuss

So thats why Ive been having trouble sleeping.......It must be love.

My introduction and yours!!

My life started again almost one year ago. I became myself again. I could breathe again. Things made a turn for the better. And so I thought that I would take the chance to introduce myself to my newer readers (and please feel free to respond with a link! I will come visit!!)

I am Tiffany! (Waving to the crowd!). I am second year Nursing student pursuing my ADN. I hope to continue my education to get my BSN shortly after graduation. My goals are widespread, I like to be kept busy and I get bored quickly. I would love to work in OB/L&D or in the NICU/PICU or in the ED (like I said, I want to do everything!!)

I am married to the most amazing man (HI Honey!!). He is a member of the US Navy, the worlds greatest Navy and is currently deployed to Iraq and will be returning (hopefully) late this year. He has an amazing son (BigBoy C) and I cant wait to get to know him more.

The two of us are in love with adventure! Whether it is exploring places around the Sound, or around in different states. We tend to act on planned spontaneity and will plan impromptu trips while sitting at dinner. Together we have been able to visit Washington (we live here), Oregon, Idaho and Nevada. There is always a place to explore, and we aim to see it all! (So if you have some suggestions of great places, send them my way!!)

We have two fur-babies, Harley and Giada. Our oldest of the four-leggeds, Meyah, passed away in Mid June from complications of Diabetes.

I am looking forward to having some people delurk and send me links to their blogs! I would love to know who all is reading, so if you are reading this....take a second and say "hi"!!

Bittersweet....

My baby sister signed up for college classes.

I guess she's not a baby anymore.

Wow.....

Summer reading book one

I am determined to read as many non-school books as possible this summer. As reading is my guilty pleasure and I tend to devour books, I have greatly missed having the ability to just read at my leisure.

I started collecting a variety of books that I have been desperate to read since my crazy reading spree last winter (where I read all the Twilight books in two weeks). I started reading the first book last night and I am so impressed.

So far this book has been far from a fast read. The book is about the early history of the Mormon church focusing mainly on its roots in polygamy. It has a nice detailed history of the prophet Joseph Smith and also Brigham Young. The story revolves around Ann Eliza Young, Brigham Youngs 19th wife (atleast in the story, I cant validate the following other than from the book!) and how she fought to not only divorce the prophet (Something completley unheard of in those times) but also to single handedly denounce polygamy. She was the leading force in getting the Mormon religion to stop practicing polygamy.

What a great book!! A must read!!

One week later

This last week has been filled with death.

Meyah passed one week ago almost to the minute. (Devastating)

Ed McMahan passed away yesterday. (Sad)

Farrah Fawcet passed on today. (Tremendously sad, but expected)

And now Michael Jackson. (Frighteningly sudden)

OK, we get it....Life is fragile. Can you please slow down with the lesson, I cant make tears fast enough to cry them out.

(Sadly I have this feeling in my gut that Patrick Swayze goes next.)

"Will I cry everyday?"

As I mentioned before, I have a bad taste in my mouth from the show Nurse Jackie. But after watching the 4th episode today I wanted to answer a significant question:

The nursing student asks "Will it always be this hard? Will I cry every day?" and in my limited experience I can tell you that Yes, there is something almost every day to cry about.

The tears arent from mean nurses or angry instructors, they arent from the lack of sleep or the physical labor, they are from the reality of people. Peoples lives touch me in ways I never thought that I could be touched. I have never been shy about how nervous I am about my lack of compassion. I tend to be a little cold when things dont affect me personally, but as it turns out my hard outter shell melts in your hand (not your mouth like M&M's).

I have had a patient die shortly after I was blessed to work with him. I saw his obituary in the news paper and cried as though I had lost my own family. I have hugged more people than I though possible, cradled the daughter of an elderly man on pallative care only with a GI bleed, prayed with families from different religions than my own, and spent more time thinking about my patients after I leave than studying for school work. Yes, you cry every day.

I cried when I listened to my patient tell me about her pregnancy loss, I cried when I listened to the doctor tell my patients family that he didnt have much longer for this world, I cried when I got home because I knew my diabetic patient wasnt going to be able to afford her medication and therefore would be back in the hospital, and I cried when I got home after a patient told me that I would be a "great nurse".

Yes, you will cry every day. And most days those tears feel pretty darn good. There is humanity in the world, and we can do good.

You will cry. Everyday. And when you dont cry anymore, its time to find a new job.

My flowers...

As I mentioned, my love sent me lillies! I absolutely love lillies!!




-- Post From My iPhone

*My amazing day off

I was blessed to have today off of work. I spent the day lounging around...yeah sure, now back to reality! I did have the day off but I spent the first half of the day getting recertified for CPR. It a strange twist of fate it was going to cost me the same amount of money to change my name on my CPR card as it would to recertify.

Also my school requires you to be recertified every year!! I guess I should just be glad I was able to get it done with so early on in the summer.

Then I had lunch with a gal pal! So fun! Two hours later we finally left. It was so nice to get to just catch up.

I got home to a delivery of Flowers from my wonderful Hubby!! What an amazing guy!! He sent me gorgeous orange lillies!! And they smell oh so good!!

I know summer just started but after working over 50 hours last week and then losing my Meyah, I feel like it should be time to go back to nursing school already.

How is your summer going so far?

Some happy thoughts

The sun glasses gang!



My hubby getting a pedicure!



More love!

Happy Daddy's Day to the worlds best Dad.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for always being the shoulder I can cry on, the hug I can run to, and my never ending cheer leader! I love you more than words can say!!

As far back as I can remember you have been there encouraging me to be better, follow my dreams, and to achieve my goals.

Even when Ive screwed up (and I know I have!) you made sure that I knew how much you loved me.

Not a day goes by that I dont talk to you. Thank you for being not only my Dad but my friend.

I love you,

Your Oldest

-------------------------------

Also A happy Fathers Day to my Wonderful Husband, All the Uncles(You too Tio Todd!), Grandfathers(Both on the groud and in Heaven), and to my Father-in-law (Who I know is looking down at his son with pride).

We love you all!

-------------------------------

And a final Happy Fathers Day to all the soon to be Dads, Dads of furbabies, and oneday Dads!

Happy Fathers Day everyone!

Serenity

Now let me set the scene... Hubby and I took a spontaneous road trip along the water late in the evening. With starbucks coffee in hand we strolled along the beach.

I miss him.

When it rains, it pours.

Nursing school is on a break for the summer, but because I am a glutten for punishment I signed up for a "non" nursing related online class. I figured that spending the summer letting my brain go to mush wouldnt help my any in the fall. My class starts next week, it is all online and should be pretty interesting, I hope.

Its been almost 36 hours since I watched my Meyah Amore get her wings. And in that 36 hours I can tell you that I have been through so many emotions. Some minutes I am at peace with the decision, and I know that I made the right choice. Others I sob because I wonder if there was something else I could have done, some other option.

I try not to be a selfish person. But selfishly I want her back. I want to change my decision and have her to snuggle next to me, cuddle under the blankets with. I want her to give me stinky dog breath kisses. I want....HER.

Im fighting these thoughts, these regrets. There are so many of them. Maybe if we had found her Diabetes earlier we could have managed it. Maybe if I had of taken her to a different Vet we could have known about her condition earlier. Maybe. So many maybes. So many IFs.

I trying to go through the motions of my normal day. Wake, work, sleep, etc. But inside my heart is torn. I feel guilty loving on the other dogs, I feel horrible that I was on vacation the week before she passed on, I hate that this last year I was so busy.

Now its just a matter of continuing to go through the motions.

Meyahs information and a guest post

This letter was nicely written by my Father in the comments of one of my posts yesterday. It was filled with so many details that I chose to post it as a post all its own.

"For those that don't know, Momma Meyah passed away this evening at 5:17 PM.

Meyah (which means "Mine") was our first Minature Pinscher (see Tiffany's photo).

Meyah started out life hard, with mutant alopecia (or Blue Doberman syndrome). She was the runt of the litter, and as such, was not very healthy.

Meyah was a Doberman at heart and a Tasmanian Devil in temperment. If she didn't like you, you knew it. For those few that she accepted, you were showered with her endless adoration. As Meyah aged we found that she had a form of epilepsy, and later in life (her last couple months) became diabetic.

Meyah was my dog Ebi's baby, and a BIG part of our family. We have told, and will, for the rest of our lives, continue to tell stories of the little dog who:
1. Found a bag of chocolate candy, managed to delicately unwrap the chocolate, and then eat it all
2. Somehow got into a 2lb container of Borax
3. Ate her weight in Dark Chocolate (Ghirardelli's chocolate of course)
4. Took a flying leap off a 10 foot porch
5. Loved to chase laser lights
6. Took on two full grown Dobermans at the dog park and made them run for their lives
7. Stole our hearts with her spunk, affection, and love

Meyah left us with chocolate on her breath (we indulged her with her favorite temptation), surrounded by tears, voices and the arms of those who loved her most.

It's only a couple hours, and her bark is missed. When you look in the backyard, there is a vacancy where she should be at the gate.

Time heals all wounds, but the heart never forgets, and neither shall we.

Fairwell Meyah. Go snuggle up with Ebi.

'til we meet again, and as they say in the Navy:
Fair winds and following seas.

Dad"

I have to say that letter pretty much sums up the details. As for everything else, I am still struggling with my own thoughts and feelings. I miss her tremendously. The "Lil Porkchop" as my dear friend calls her is on my mind and consuming my thoughts. I have so many memories of her and I am terrified I will forget the smallest thing.

The hardest decision was to have to chose to not let her suffer. And my dear readers to make the choice to end her life is a desicion I was faced with for many years and I could not make. Yesterday Meyah made that choice for me, in her own way she gave me the strength to make the right choice.

We arrived at the clinic at 5pm. The family snuggled and loved on her, and I held her in my arms the entire time. The Vet Tech (who was so sweet) took her from my arms for a mere moment to place an IV. She returned and we fed her chocolate, much to Meyahs delite! At about 5:10pm the Vet came in and explained what they were going to do. She asked if I wanted more time, but all I could think is that there is never enough time and I wanted another 8 years so 5 more minutes just wouldnt help. I told her I was as ready as I could be. I sat down with Meyah and snuggled her against me.

Always a brave girl she watched as the Vet inserted the syringe into her IV. The family and I continued to love on her and kiss her and talk to her. The medication began and Meyah got a little dizzy, then she looked me in the face, our eyes met, she gave me the softest kiss (almost as if to tell me it was all going to be ok) and then she laid her head on my chest.

Seconds, minutes, years might have passed now. Everything from here on out is a blur. The Vet listened to her heart and told me she was gone. I asked the time. 5:17pm.

In seven minutes my baby left this earth and gained her wings. I spent the next dozen or so minutes smelling her fur and loving on her. Trying to memorize everything so that I would never forget.

Finally it was time to let her body go. The Vet Tech took her to gently, wrapped in that little blanket. There I said goodbye for the last time. Goodbye to her pain, goodbye to her suffering, and goodbye to the best friend anyone could ask for.

I chose to have her body cremated and returned to me. I couldnt bare the thought of burying her somewhere and then leaving her again in the future. For the time being I will carry her in an Urn from home to home until I can find the perfect location for her.

"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
(Kabil Gibran)

And the Angels wept

Isnt it strange how when you are at your saddest the world cries with you.

There is such a gentle rain falling, almost as if she is telling me that she misses me too.


-- Post From My iPhone

My own angel Meyah

11/25/01-06/18/09


I love her so much. I hope she knows. My heart is heavy with missing her, but I know she got her wings today.

Cross the rainbow bridge little one and know that you will never be forgotten, you will always be loved, and that you were the best good girl ever. I love you. Your family loves you. And till we meet again, i carry you in my heart.

Mexican Riveria Cruise

I have not been shy about my love for vacationing. The Hubs and I finally decided on a cruise! We are planning on doing the Mexican Riveria in the Winter after he returns from his deployment.

I have wanted to take this cruise forever! And my loving Husband willingly obliged! Afterall he has been on many ships but has always been forced to work on them (A sailors life afterall!) So we are going.....sailing away somewhere warm!

I cant wait. Only 171 days (give or take) until he comes home and a few short weeks after that we will be snuggled down in our cabin heading out to sea!! Im so super excited!!

Ok...Have any of you been on cruises? What was your favorite?

Nurse Jackie was mildly disapointing

Like most Nurses and/or future nurses I was thrilled to see that there are not one, but two new Dramas about Nurses coming out. Sadly I think that Hawthorne will fail miserably because the previews show her acting like a physician and not a nurse.

But about Nurse Jackie.....I have OnDemand and pormptly watched the first three episodes. Nurse Jackie reminds me of a Burned out ER nurse meets Dr. House. Not to give too much away but her alarming drug addiction turned me off. I love watching Dr. House, and frankly I couldnt care less about his Vicodin habits, but its been done already....Do to have a nurse crushing percocets and putting it in her coffee seems a little tired.

Although Nurse Jackie didnt live up to my expectation I will probably be watching her all summer....I mean school is out, bring on the drama!

Day 2, grades and back to the gym!

Today was the hardest. I woke up in our bed and missed him so much my heart ached. I was lucky to hear from him!! But his voice makes me miss him that much more.

To fill the time I decided that it is time to get my butt in gear and go back to the gym.

Running day 1: 1.25 miles
Total: 1.25 miles

I started out slow since it has been waaaaaay too long! But this girl is gonna get her butt in shape!

And now for grades!! I rocked it baby!! Im gonna make deans list again! Yipppeee!

Its official, my grades are posted and the first year of nursing school is over!

Tomorrow I start back to work. I picked up a few shifts for the summer!

What are your Summer plans?


-- Post From My iPhone

Day one and plans

Today marks the first day of the last leg of the Hubs deployment. Rather than going home and missing him like crazy, my good friend invited me over to play!

We saw Star Trek in IMAX! Ok, IMAX is cool but very very loud! I am still having a hard time hearing.

We also saw Angels and Demons. The movie was ok but I couldnt stay awake!

What a great weekend!

Thanks G!


-- Post From My iPhone

Saying goodbye

Time to step back into the life of a Navy wife. He deployed again. Im trying to be strong and supportive but on the first day after he leaves all I want to do is be sad.


Im really trying hard to think of all the good times and smiles. Im sure I will be better in a couple days, but for now......


I miss him.

Hi Big Boy C!

Since your Mama is reading my blog....

We Love you Kiddo!!


-- Post From My iPhone

Loving you

-- Post From My iPhone

Guess who got carded for an R rated movie?

Me! Wtf?!





-- Post From My iPhone

Rollercoasters!!

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Post From My iPhone

Sibling vacation

Us kids are in sunny Idaho! What a fun road trip!!







-- Post From My iPhone

1/2 of a Nurse.....

Yesterday was the last day of my first year of nursing school. I am one half of a nurse now!

What a long and trying quarter. I cant believe its done!

To celebrate the Hubs and I are heading out.....off on another mini-vacay before he leaves.

I will post from the road....